malalai khan

(Early 1920s, Britain)

(It is a warm morning in June, the trees swaying lush green around the garden of a large cottage. A table is set for two in the lawn and a bell is rung somewhere inside the house. Breakfast is laid out by a maid and there is a loud call from upstairs. It is followed by the laugh of a young woman who appears in the doorway. She is around 25 years of age, with light brown hair, wearing a lavender gown with a white lace shawl. She sits down and proceeds to eat. The maid goes onto the porch, sits on a stool and takes out a little prayer book to read.)

THE WOMAN: Edna, hasn’t the master got up yet? 

THE MAID: (looks up) He has, Miss Lavinia. He is still dressing, I believe.

LAVINIA: I am Lady Wright now, remember — do try to get used to it. And I shan’t eat without him; it would be dreadfully inconsiderate. (crosses her arms)

EDNA: Anything, Madam. (continues to read the book)

(Quarter of an hour passes. Lavinia plays with a ribbon on her dress, with quick glances at the parlor clock through the window.)

LAVINIA: (sighs) Edna, will you check on him? It’s getting late. He must have a problem.

EDNA: Yes, milady.

(She gets up when a gentleman appears in the doorway. His shirt is unbuttoned, the cuffs are detached and he is not wearing a waistcoat. His face is flustered, clearly not in the mood.)

LAVINIA: Cecil! What is the meaning of this?! (gets up)

CECIL: Whatever you are seeing, Vinnie! My waistcoat is missing! Edna!

EDNA: Yes, Mr. Wright?

CECIL: Don’t gawk at me like that, woman! Where is my waistcoat? 

EDNA: Sir, the waistcoat was in no good condition from the last time you wore it. The collar was ripped and covered in horse manure. 

CECIL: Well, you could have mended it by now!

EDNA: The embroidery was too intricate so I sent it to the tailor’s, milord. You can wear your other coa—

CECIL: But I had ordered it especially for the Brooks’ dinner party tonight!

LAVINIA: Cecil dear, don’t make a fuss about this waistcoat. Let’s have our breakfast and then think about the dinner party. Edna, send a message for the tailor. 

(Edna goes inside the house. Lavinia buttons Cecil’s shirt and attaches the studs back to the cuffs.)

CECIL: Well you have nothing to worry about as you have everything you want.

LAVINIA: That is because I don’t make a fuss about anything. Now, sit down, Cecil.

(They both sit down and help themselves. Lavinia pours the tea and cuts a bread slice).

LAVINIA: Would you like butter or honey, dear?

CECIL: Marmalade please. 

LAVINIA: I daresay we’re out of marmalade. I’ll call Edna. Edna! (rings a little bell)

(silence)

CECIL: You sent her to the tailor’s, Vinnie.

LAVINIA: Ah yes, of course. Well, we can’t do much about marmalade now. These sandwiches look delicious. (hands one to Cecil)

CECIL: Thank you, dear. (takes a bite and coughs) Good Lord — what on earth is in this?!

LAVINIA: It’s liver and cucumber, Sully. It’s supposed to be refreshing.

CECIL: Arghh! Is there nothing edible here?!

LAVINIA: Whatever has happened to you since you’ve woken up!

CECIL: You must know I detest both liver and cucumber!

LAVINIA: It has been barely a month since we married, Cecil. How would I ever know? And you shouldn’t be so picky about your food. Most unbecoming of a gentleman, really.

CECIL: I wouldn’t have if there was marmalade! 

LAVINIA: We can’t do much about that, can we? Unless you had the sense to tell Edna what you wanted for breakfast!

CECIL: I would’ve done that as well if you hadn’t sent her off to the tailor’s, Lavinia.

LAVINIA: You had ruined the waistcoat yourself at the derby, if you remember. Edna and I had warned you to wear your riding suit instead.

CECIL: Well, you were the one who dragged me to the derby because of your haughty ladies. 

LAVINIA: But I didn’t ask you to place a gamble and ride a horse. Maybe if you hadn’t lost the money, you would’ve been eating marmalade now!

CECIL: Ah! So it’s my fault, Vinnie? (becomes red in indignation)

LAVINIA: Yes, if that is how you put it. (tilts her chin up)

CECIL: Do you know how it’s my fault? It’s my fault that I married a woman who doesn’t care about anything except herself!

LAVINIA: Really, a man’s got more bees in his head than a woman has in a bonnet.

CECIL: Women! You and Edna are always against me! Since the time you brought her into the house, every day isn’t the same anymore. She even replaced the roses with those dreadful hydrangeas in the garden,

LAVINIA: Your “same” means subjecting everyone to your tantrum without holding a rational sense in yourself. 

CECIL: Bah! Were Lady Clyde still in England, I’d have never married you.

LAVINIA: (gets up) By God! You must be drunk, Cecil?! 

CECIL: I am perfectly aware of what I am saying, Vinnie. Lady Clyde had vowed to marry me but she returned to South Africa for her brother. We had loved each other for years.

LAVINIA: If it hadn’t been for my father’s insistence, I’d never have entertained your rather modest lineage.

CECIL: Lies! You fabricated some nonsense about being of Welsh royal descent!

LAVINIA: It was my father who thought of that! 

CECIL: I don’t care if it was your damned father’s idea! (smacks his fist onto the table, clattering all the dishes) By the way, I wonder who danced with Lord Evans at the Brooks’ dinner party last month. (narrows his eyes at Lavinia)

LAVINIA:  (blushes) He asked me to dance — I was out of sorts after you vanished from the party, claiming it grated on your “nerves.” Furthermore, whatever I do is none of your business.

CECIL: So! You’ve been carrying on behind my back, haven’t you?

LAVINIA: You, of all people, are hardly fit to pass judgment on my morals.

CECIL: No wonder you are looking forward to the Brooks’ party tonight!

LAVINIA: And no surprise that you are being a fussy pepper-pot over everything today.

CECIL: Well, I am not going to the party, then. You can go and embarrass yourself all yo—

LAVINIA: Embarrass! You are the one who I am most ashamed of in the public! Without you, I am humbly rid of your toxic company and horrible ‘compliments!’

CECIL: Well, it would have been nicer if you considered not buying the same flowers and jewels that your lady friends have.

LAVINIA: Sully! Don’t you think of talking to me about money! You were the one who threw it all away in a single gamble!

CECIL: There is a price for pleasure.

LAVINIA: Pleasure, my boot! If a man goes on complaining, he is an intellectual but if a woman complains, she is a nagging hag! 

CECIL: Bah!

(Silence ensues between them as time passes slowly. Cecil taps his fingers on a plate. Lavinia walks around the hydrangeas and peers at the parlor clock.)

LAVINIA: Oh my! It is past nine! And I still haven’t finished breakfast!

CECIL: Past nine! I am getting late for work! I have lost my appetite anyway over quarreling with you, Vinnie. 

LAVINIA: I wonder whatever started this mess! 

CECIL: Ay. Well, I must be going now, dear. (gets up)

LAVINIA: I should call for Edna. Edna! (no answer) 

Wherever has she gone now!

(Exeunt)